tariel22 (tariel22) wrote,

All the times Smallville's Sleeper made me say, WTF?

Here is my list of WTF moments and quotes from Sleeper. Maybe some of this stuff has a reasonable explanation, but I don't know what it is, and I'm tired of fanwanking. I'm just going to put it all out there and acknowledge that this episode, like crack, is whack. And if I accepted at face value stuff that you thought was crazy, feel free to add to my list in the comments. Think of it as therapy.

I still love Smallville, this is NOT a hate/bitterness session. I just want to point out that sometimes TPTB get it so wrong that the show doesn't even make sense. This one was off the charts in that regard, and I'm just making a list to show you all why I say that. Play nice, okay? :)

WARNING: There's gonna be swearing. I'm serious.

1) Briefcase guy can't hear the grate creaking, or ninja guy jumping down behind him?

2) The ninja is Jimmy?! Jimmy's a spy ninja, who knows about retinal scan locks and how to activate them?!

3) Chloe and Jimmy are shacking up together?! Does Lois still live in this apartment, too? BTW, is Lois okay after getting shot?

4) What's the deal with those binoculars? Are the lenses red because they're EVOL? Do any of those animated graphics appear to serve an actual purpose?

5) Chloe is taking over Isis? Or is her full-time job looking for Brainiac now? Is she not going to be a reporter anymore? Does she care?

6) Chloe: "Now that I'm house-sitting Isis, Oliver thought it would make a perfect bunker to store all of his troop's equipment." Oliver Queen, the billionaire, can't secure adequate storage space?!

7) Chloe: "Having a gang of superheroes is great in theory, but no one ever considers the shipping costs." Huh? I don't even know what this statement means, but again, isn't Oliver a billionaire? I don't think shipping costs are high on his list of worries.

8) Clark: "I spent all night with Lana." Uh, oh.

9) Clark: "The only thing important right now is Lana." My head explodes.

10) Clark: "I don't care about Lex!" No words. No fucking words.

11) Chloe: "It is possible that the velocity of their flight created some sort of ionic displacement in the outer atmosphere." Does this sound plausible? Remember, this is the show that told us in the Pilot that a guy didn't age for 12 years because his electrolytes were out of balance.

12) Chloe: "I think it's time to sweep the dust off of Doctor Swann's journal." Huh?

13) IIRC, Kara is the one who used Jimmy's computer to access Starhawk (in Lara), not Chloe. Why doesn't Jimmy tell them it wasn't Chloe?

14) If Chloe is such a super-hacker, shouldn't she also know how to cover her tracks?

15) The government honestly has no better option to get to Chloe than Jimmy?! Hell, before Chloe got fired, I think they could have discovered Clark's secret with a good listener sitting at the next desk at the DP! God knows what they could find out with actual surveillance equipment.

16) Jimmy claims to be in love with Chloe, but he instantly believes she is a terrorist because she stays out late and breaks dates?!

17) What do you suppose is the dollar value of all that equipment in the case they gave to Jimmy? Is any of it classified technology? How in the hell is he supposed to know how to use any of it?!

18) I guess Chloe's lies to Jimmy are supposed to be lame, but they're really lame. And if she has to lie to him every minute of every day, why are they still together? If helping Clark precludes Chloe from having a romantic relationship, have her face that and make a choice. Oh, wait, they did, and Chloe and Jimmy broke up. So why are we here now, doing it all over again?

19) You want me to believe that Lionel "The Magnificent Bastard" Luthor gave Lex a leather passport holder inscribed with a sentimental message of encouragement?!

20) What was the point of that scene where Lex finds out he was red-flagged? And what did he do to get red-flagged, anyway?

21) Jimmy has a high tech gadget that opens the Isis door using the same technology as... a credit card!

22) So now Jimmy's a super-hacker, too?!! Does anyone remember Freak?

23) I don't get Jor-El's plan to freeze Clark until everyone he cares about is dead. I thought Jor-El's whole deal was that Clark needed to get on his destiny, like now.

24) Clark: "The next time I hold Lana's hand, I want to tell her I did everything I could to save her." Oh, I understand this one. It just makes me want to throw up.

25) If Jimmy really wants Clark's help, why doesn't he tell him about the government guys?

26) I didn't get the whole FoS part. Was the transmission recorded in Swann's book from Kara, or was it really from Jor-El? Was what Clark heard a transmission from Kara from 1989? How could they have a two-way conversation? Because time is "different" in the Fortress, like Lana said in Persona? My head hurts. And why does Clark always have to bellow when he's in the FoS?

27) The timing of that whole Ace of Clubs Opening was a little too convenient, but whatever.

28) Are we supposed to think this highly choreographed dance is totally spontaneous? Why show us a bumbling Jimmy who can barely make breakfast without breaking something, if we're supposed to buy him as a smooth operator on the dance floor now?

29) Jimmy: "Shoot, I forgot to give the valet the keys." Is that supposed to be so lame it's funny?

30) There is no key required to ride the elevator from the club to the satellite center. There are no guards on the floor the satellite center is on, or at the door to the center itself, or inside. No one is working inside either. How convenient.

31) Okay, Chloe's super-hacking skills are really getting to be a bit ridiculous.

32) As are Jimmy's newfound spy skills. Please.

33) Vanessa: "If Chloe trusted you as much as you seem to trust her, she needn't get hurt. Prison might actually do your relationship some good." Huh?

34) Did I mention Jimmy's unbelievable spy skills?

35) Okay, our government agents are sadistic psychos? Jesus, that was hard to watch.

36) That was the lamest fight scene I've seen in a long time. Jimmy's punch was all air.

37) Can we please get an explanation of Chloe's meteor power? Can she heal herself? Is it a willful thing, or does it just happen? How long does it take? I'm so confused! Because her face should just be a mass of contusions after that, shouldn't it?

38) Jimmy: "She didn't give me any choice." Actually, Jimmy, she did. A very clear one, in fact.

39) Why are these two a couple?

40) Chloe: "Ask me whatever you want." And she'll actually answer him?! So now Clark's and Oliver's secrets are hers to divulge at will?!

41) Jimmy: "Do you want that more than you want Clark?" What?! After all that, all he cares about is his petty, unfounded jealousy?!

42) Jimmy: "You have your secrets and I have mine. Deal?" Uh, okay, that's good enough for me. Let's have sex! What?!

43) Chloe and Jimmy, after all the events of this episode, have emerged with their relationship intact, they evidently have no trust issues or unresolved questions, and they appear to be on the verge of getting busy. What?!!

44) Lex: "She would never let a friend crawl across burning coals for my help." Huh? I don't get the burning coals metaphor. How is Jimmy crawling across burning coals?

45) Jimmy: "You're a Luthor. You build and burn political ladders for sport." Huh? I think this episode broke my brain. It all sounds like gibberish to me now.

46) Chloe's in trouble, and to help her, Jimmy goes to the man who just fired her. Yeah, that makes sense. [/sarcasm]

47) For that matter, why is it more important to Lex to have Jimmy in his debt, that to let Chloe go to prison and get her out of his (figurative) hair once and for all? I feel like there's a missing Lex scene in this episode.

48) And finally, we have a scene where Chloe figures everything out and explains it to Clark. Because he's just a BDA, I guess. God Bless America, this episode drives me crazy when it comes to the Clark stuff. The hell?!

Wow, I seem to have a lot of problems with this episode. :) But I feel better now. I don't care if no one else reads this, or if people do and think I am being incredibly nitpicky, or if people think I'm a hater and a bitch. I'm just glad to unload. And BTW, I didn't have any problems with Lex's Zurich scene, because it was good. It was also evidently written by someone else, for a different episode.
Tags: rant, smallville, sv episode review
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