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All the times Smallville's Sleeper made me say, WTF? - I worship at the television altar
All the times Smallville's Sleeper made me say, WTF?
Here is my list of WTF moments and quotes from Sleeper. Maybe some of this stuff has a reasonable explanation, but I don't know what it is, and I'm tired of fanwanking. I'm just going to put it all out there and acknowledge that this episode, like crack, is whack. And if I accepted at face value stuff that you thought was crazy, feel free to add to my list in the comments. Think of it as therapy.

I still love Smallville, this is NOT a hate/bitterness session. I just want to point out that sometimes TPTB get it so wrong that the show doesn't even make sense. This one was off the charts in that regard, and I'm just making a list to show you all why I say that. Play nice, okay? :)

WARNING: There's gonna be swearing. I'm serious.

1) Briefcase guy can't hear the grate creaking, or ninja guy jumping down behind him?

2) The ninja is Jimmy?! Jimmy's a spy ninja, who knows about retinal scan locks and how to activate them?!

3) Chloe and Jimmy are shacking up together?! Does Lois still live in this apartment, too? BTW, is Lois okay after getting shot?

4) What's the deal with those binoculars? Are the lenses red because they're EVOL? Do any of those animated graphics appear to serve an actual purpose?

5) Chloe is taking over Isis? Or is her full-time job looking for Brainiac now? Is she not going to be a reporter anymore? Does she care?

6) Chloe: "Now that I'm house-sitting Isis, Oliver thought it would make a perfect bunker to store all of his troop's equipment." Oliver Queen, the billionaire, can't secure adequate storage space?!

7) Chloe: "Having a gang of superheroes is great in theory, but no one ever considers the shipping costs." Huh? I don't even know what this statement means, but again, isn't Oliver a billionaire? I don't think shipping costs are high on his list of worries.

8) Clark: "I spent all night with Lana." Uh, oh.

9) Clark: "The only thing important right now is Lana." My head explodes.

10) Clark: "I don't care about Lex!" No words. No fucking words.

11) Chloe: "It is possible that the velocity of their flight created some sort of ionic displacement in the outer atmosphere." Does this sound plausible? Remember, this is the show that told us in the Pilot that a guy didn't age for 12 years because his electrolytes were out of balance.

12) Chloe: "I think it's time to sweep the dust off of Doctor Swann's journal." Huh?

13) IIRC, Kara is the one who used Jimmy's computer to access Starhawk (in Lara), not Chloe. Why doesn't Jimmy tell them it wasn't Chloe?

14) If Chloe is such a super-hacker, shouldn't she also know how to cover her tracks?

15) The government honestly has no better option to get to Chloe than Jimmy?! Hell, before Chloe got fired, I think they could have discovered Clark's secret with a good listener sitting at the next desk at the DP! God knows what they could find out with actual surveillance equipment.

16) Jimmy claims to be in love with Chloe, but he instantly believes she is a terrorist because she stays out late and breaks dates?!

17) What do you suppose is the dollar value of all that equipment in the case they gave to Jimmy? Is any of it classified technology? How in the hell is he supposed to know how to use any of it?!

18) I guess Chloe's lies to Jimmy are supposed to be lame, but they're really lame. And if she has to lie to him every minute of every day, why are they still together? If helping Clark precludes Chloe from having a romantic relationship, have her face that and make a choice. Oh, wait, they did, and Chloe and Jimmy broke up. So why are we here now, doing it all over again?

19) You want me to believe that Lionel "The Magnificent Bastard" Luthor gave Lex a leather passport holder inscribed with a sentimental message of encouragement?!

20) What was the point of that scene where Lex finds out he was red-flagged? And what did he do to get red-flagged, anyway?

21) Jimmy has a high tech gadget that opens the Isis door using the same technology as... a credit card!

22) So now Jimmy's a super-hacker, too?!! Does anyone remember Freak?

23) I don't get Jor-El's plan to freeze Clark until everyone he cares about is dead. I thought Jor-El's whole deal was that Clark needed to get on his destiny, like now.

24) Clark: "The next time I hold Lana's hand, I want to tell her I did everything I could to save her." Oh, I understand this one. It just makes me want to throw up.

25) If Jimmy really wants Clark's help, why doesn't he tell him about the government guys?

26) I didn't get the whole FoS part. Was the transmission recorded in Swann's book from Kara, or was it really from Jor-El? Was what Clark heard a transmission from Kara from 1989? How could they have a two-way conversation? Because time is "different" in the Fortress, like Lana said in Persona? My head hurts. And why does Clark always have to bellow when he's in the FoS?

27) The timing of that whole Ace of Clubs Opening was a little too convenient, but whatever.

28) Are we supposed to think this highly choreographed dance is totally spontaneous? Why show us a bumbling Jimmy who can barely make breakfast without breaking something, if we're supposed to buy him as a smooth operator on the dance floor now?

29) Jimmy: "Shoot, I forgot to give the valet the keys." Is that supposed to be so lame it's funny?

30) There is no key required to ride the elevator from the club to the satellite center. There are no guards on the floor the satellite center is on, or at the door to the center itself, or inside. No one is working inside either. How convenient.

31) Okay, Chloe's super-hacking skills are really getting to be a bit ridiculous.

32) As are Jimmy's newfound spy skills. Please.

33) Vanessa: "If Chloe trusted you as much as you seem to trust her, she needn't get hurt. Prison might actually do your relationship some good." Huh?

34) Did I mention Jimmy's unbelievable spy skills?

35) Okay, our government agents are sadistic psychos? Jesus, that was hard to watch.

36) That was the lamest fight scene I've seen in a long time. Jimmy's punch was all air.

37) Can we please get an explanation of Chloe's meteor power? Can she heal herself? Is it a willful thing, or does it just happen? How long does it take? I'm so confused! Because her face should just be a mass of contusions after that, shouldn't it?

38) Jimmy: "She didn't give me any choice." Actually, Jimmy, she did. A very clear one, in fact.

39) Why are these two a couple?

40) Chloe: "Ask me whatever you want." And she'll actually answer him?! So now Clark's and Oliver's secrets are hers to divulge at will?!

41) Jimmy: "Do you want that more than you want Clark?" What?! After all that, all he cares about is his petty, unfounded jealousy?!

42) Jimmy: "You have your secrets and I have mine. Deal?" Uh, okay, that's good enough for me. Let's have sex! What?!

43) Chloe and Jimmy, after all the events of this episode, have emerged with their relationship intact, they evidently have no trust issues or unresolved questions, and they appear to be on the verge of getting busy. What?!!

44) Lex: "She would never let a friend crawl across burning coals for my help." Huh? I don't get the burning coals metaphor. How is Jimmy crawling across burning coals?

45) Jimmy: "You're a Luthor. You build and burn political ladders for sport." Huh? I think this episode broke my brain. It all sounds like gibberish to me now.

46) Chloe's in trouble, and to help her, Jimmy goes to the man who just fired her. Yeah, that makes sense. [/sarcasm]

47) For that matter, why is it more important to Lex to have Jimmy in his debt, that to let Chloe go to prison and get her out of his (figurative) hair once and for all? I feel like there's a missing Lex scene in this episode.

48) And finally, we have a scene where Chloe figures everything out and explains it to Clark. Because he's just a BDA, I guess. God Bless America, this episode drives me crazy when it comes to the Clark stuff. The hell?!

Wow, I seem to have a lot of problems with this episode. :) But I feel better now. I don't care if no one else reads this, or if people do and think I am being incredibly nitpicky, or if people think I'm a hater and a bitch. I'm just glad to unload. And BTW, I didn't have any problems with Lex's Zurich scene, because it was good. It was also evidently written by someone else, for a different episode.

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35 comments or Leave a comment
laurelnola From: laurelnola Date: April 27th, 2008 01:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee. I'm glad others like you bravely took the bullet and watched the episode. I get so much more entertainment out of reading people's reviews, because I highly suspect that if I were *watching* the show, I would be staring at the screen with my mouth half-open, while I scratched my head in bereft confusion.

I can only assume that the monkeys and manatees have gone on strike, because *actual* writers left this series a long time ago. :-)
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Writing this was very cathartic. I feel like I can leave this episode behind now, and look forward to Tom's episode this week. Whew!

And in spite of all my problems with this episode, I still get a big smile on my face every time I watch the dance, because AM is clearly having the time of her life, and is completely adorable. I love her.
(Deleted comment)
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
This episode was so weird for me, because I didn't hate it like I did, say, Promise, or Ageless. A lot of it was cute and fun. But the more I watched it, the more it just didn't make any sense!

Yeah, I noticed the Stride gum, too. But it was so much less blatant than Hero it seemed like no big deal. LOL!
jude_judith82 From: jude_judith82 Date: April 27th, 2008 03:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm on my way out but I'll come back to read and comment b/c I love a good rant, :-)
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, I don't know how good it is, but it's definitely a rant! LOL!
acampbell From: acampbell Date: April 27th, 2008 03:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Maybe some of this stuff has a reasonable explanation, but I don't know what it is, and I'm tired of fanwanking

A new fandom term for us: "Fanwank Fatigue". It's hit me as well, and pretty much at the same time!

Why is Chloe still living in the Talon apartment? Are they just too cheap to build another set? Because Lex just fired her ass, and it's his building, and wouldn't you think she'd get the heck out on her own if he didn't kick her out first? Regardless of whether she's paying rent to him or he's letting her live there rent-free. Having her and Lois live there never made sense to begin with, and it makes even less sense now.

You know I'd never say this lightly, but Chimmy is substitute Clana, and almost worse in some ways. At least with Clana we get Clark. Chloe lost me a couple of seasons ago, and regardless of her massive popularity in fandom, I don't consider her a core character. Having an ep focused on her and a relationship that strips her of her strength of character nearly as fully as Clana emasculates Clark and Lexana emasculated Lex, just doesn't reel me in.

You payed much closer attention to the plot. I just sort of zoned for most of it. I simply don't care about Chloe and Jimmy and what's going on with them. I'd figured from spoilers the ep would be a snoozer, although the Clark stuff dropped it on the scales for me from boring to aggravating. Kudos to you for all the stuff you noticed that made no sense!

BTW, it's so good to have a friend who also still LOVES SV, but can analyze, critique, and call 'em on their slop. It's possible to love without unequivocably accepting anything and everything they throw at us. Some fans just don't seem to think so.

If I didn't love the show, I wouldn't care so much.
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, I think you know I'm a big Chloe fan, and I like Jimmy, too, so I don't mind an episode centered on them, but God, not like this one.

Fanwank Fatigue! LOL! I like it. I really do try to make it all work in my head, but this episode just broke me, and made me angry, too. Without the Chimmy and the Clark character assassination, I probably would have just thought this episode was a cute piece of fluff, but once they made me mad, I just started looking at it a little too carefully, I guess. :P

You make a lot of good points. And I agree, love doesn't have to be blind. As you so perfectly say, if we didn't love the show, we wouldn't care.
carolandtom From: carolandtom Date: April 27th, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Please, someone send this post over to the SV writers/producers!

I wonder: do they really believe they did a good job with "Sleeper"? Aren't they aware of how much crap they concocted in 39 minutes that seemed like 3000?

The little hope I had left for the show may never recover from this severe blow. :(
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sure they think Sleeper was great! I kind of can't wait to see what they say about it in the S7 Companion book. Craig said on TWoP that he probably wouldn't get the opportunity to talk to the actors again for the book, so any quotes he gets about the post-strike episodes are likely to come from the writers and producers. Their remarks should be good for a laugh. Or a session of banging my head against the wall. :P

Oh, Smallville owns me. I still can't wait for the three remaining episodes. :)
jeannev From: jeannev Date: April 27th, 2008 04:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
You really need to post this on other forums. At least to TWoP. Because really, this perfectly sums up how freaking stupid this entire episode was, and how badly written it was. I would swear that the writer of this slapped it together in 20 minutes while smoking peyote.
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Don't you think this is a little long for TWoP? I had more complaints than there were minutes in the show! LOL! Man, I know I'm Smallville's biggest cheerleader, but this felt good. Writing it was great therapy.
whimsywinx From: whimsywinx Date: April 27th, 2008 05:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

It's not easy to call one of your favorite shows when it goes off the rails and tries to take out several city blocks.

So, Smallville lost me years ago, but I don't need to watch with a review like this. Damn, you're funny when you rant. And, from an outside perspective, all your points seem valid. Although I'm confused on one point: Did Jimmy set the scary FBI guys on Chloe? Cuz that makes everything else a little yucky.
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
My poor Supernatural friends! I've been Smallville obsessed for days! I'm going to try to get my Ghostfacers review up sometime today. Although I was quite shocked to see that not everyone liked it. I loved it!

It's awfully nice of you to read my ravings! :) In the episode, the government approached Jimmy with their suspicions that Chloe was a terrorist in a sleeper cell (hence the title of the episode), and they threatened to put him in prison as her accomplice if he didn't spy on her for them.

MR was awesome in the episode, as always. :)
pep_singer From: pep_singer Date: April 27th, 2008 05:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
I <3 this review.

//41) Jimmy: "Do you want that more than you want Clark?" What?! After all that, all he cares about is his petty, unfounded jealousy?!//

I think I saw red after this line. I mean, their previous conversation had absolutely nothing to do with Clark, so bringing him up at that moment seemed weird and uncalled for. And yet, he's rewarded with sex. Oh, Chloe. *sigh*
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

I think we all know chicks who also would have forgiven everything and fallen into bed with Jimmy, but one of the reasons we love Chloe so much is that she would never be that chick. Or so I thought. I thought she had more self-respect than that. *sighs*
From: seacrystal Date: April 27th, 2008 06:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
35) Okay, our government agents are sadistic psychos? Jesus, that was hard to watch.

That's what I thought. It ranks up there with a supposed hero (Black Canary) kicking someone who was already tied up, in the face.

And BTW, I didn't have any problems with Lex's Zurich scene, because it was good. It was also evidently written by someone else, for a different episode.


And I've always loved lists, by the way. ;)

tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can never stomach torture scenes, and they're even worse when they don't make any sense.

I'm the queen of lists! They're just not usually in rant form. :)
starry_dawn From: starry_dawn Date: April 27th, 2008 06:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
A big fat freakin' WORD to all of that, sister! Man, just watching the episode a second time for the review was painful - I don't know how you sat through it again. :/

I'm really, really surprised Caroline Dries wrote this episode. She gave us "Nemesis", right? Sure, that episode had its problems too, but I certainly expected much, much more from someone who gave us such an honest look at the Clex relationship. What the hell, woman? How could you just throw away all of that in one sentence? :(

The A-plot just sucked so royally, I've stopped giving it my consideration. I don't care - I really, really don't. At this point of time, the less they show me of Jimmy the better. I really don't want to see Chimmy falling back in love for the gazillionth time, so as long as they keep off that, I think the last few episodes might actually turn out pretty good.
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 27th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
All told, I've probably watched this episode five times. And the parts that don't make sense just stand out more with each viewing. But Chloe dancing still makes me smile every time. I love AM.

Hey, I liked Nemesis a lot, and I loved Fracture. I even liked Subterranean! I don't know what happened here.

I still have high hopes for the remaining episodes. I guess we'll see.
ophelia_77 From: ophelia_77 Date: April 28th, 2008 01:14 am (UTC) (Link)
That's a very exhaustive list and I can't say I disagreed with any of them.

I was thinking the same thing about Oliver Queen. I was also thinking that if they need to find something with a satellite, why didn't they ask him for access to his instead of hacking away? Didn't they use them or something in conjunction with Black Thursday.

Oh well, like I said, hopefully we'll get back on track next week.
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 28th, 2008 03:43 am (UTC) (Link)
I wondered about Oliver and the satellite thing, too, but then I saw a post where someone said they would have needed a satellite that was directed towards space, like a NASA one, while Oliver's would have all been directed towards Earth. That made sense to me. Yeah, the fanwank is inevitable. :)
From: koosh2012 Date: April 28th, 2008 08:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have no idea what you're talking about but I read the whole rant word for word laughing my ass off! :D

Sorry. Sometimes TPTB drop the ball in a big, bad, hairy way!
tariel22 From: tariel22 Date: April 28th, 2008 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hi, Kooshie! I'm glad I could give you a laugh. :) And for your sake, I'm glad this episode didn't invade your dreams like Persona did. It would probably have scared you.
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