tariel22 (tariel22) wrote,

All the times Smallville's Eternal made me say, WTF?

The first time I watched Eternal, I liked it, but I had a LOT of questions. So I did my homework. I rewatched parts of the Pilot, Lineage, Skinwalker, Memoria, Talisman, Traveler, Veritas, Quest, and Arctic. I even dug out my Bible and read up on Judas. And then I watched Eternal again. And the second time was even worse. I thought my head was going to explode. I mean, seriously. They should have called this episode Retcon.

Between the continuity conflicts, the contrived plot points, the OOC behavior, the heavy-handed attempts to tug at my heart strings, and the bizarre dialogue, this episode drove me CRAZY. But still, there was a lot to like in there, too. So I decided to let it all out, and then let it go. Maybe then I could find the joy in this one. So in the interest of therapeutic catharsis, here is my list of all the WTF moments and quotes from Eternal. Did any of these bother you, too?

1) Once again we have pictures (drawings, this time) of events that no one but the viewing audience could possibly have been there to see. That's just sloppy, Smallville.

2) Um, show? If you want me to sympathize with your woobie villain, don't show him emerging from a pod and forming out of a substance that looks a little too much like puke. That doesn't exactly humanize him for me.

3) Clark: "You need to print it!" hee! Okay, I LOVE Clark in this scene, but let's get real. He would be so fired. Well, if his boss weren't totally fascinated with him and his alien origins, anyway. ;)

4) So Chloe and Davis are best buds, hanging out and being all cutesy funny with each other? They're kind of adorable, but this is the relationship that cost Chloe her marriage. Ramping up the intimacy in the aftermath seems wildly inappropriate to me.

5) Jimmy's a big jerk who sends abusive emails now? Fine, show. I still like him better than Davis.

6) Chloe: "I thought we were best friends, but obviously there was some stuff brewing beneath the surface for awhile." Beneath the surface?! Jimmy's insecure jealousy has been his defining characteristic since the day we met him!

7) Chloe: "How can you be so close to someone, and not really know who they are?" Oy, with the irony already!

8) Davis cuts his finger with a knife, and it's covered in blood, which Chloe wipes away to reveal no cut at all. Davis says, "Quick reflexes, huh?" and Chloe looks at him suspiciously. Then Clark bursts in, and that's the last we hear of it. Did Davis's words satisfy her? Did she forget all about it? And isn't Davis supposed to be invulnerable to knives after Bloodline anyway?

9) Why is Clark running to Chloe for information on a story? Hasn't he been doing his own research for a while now? I suppose Chloe could have been doing some kind of hacking for him, but it just seemed like a contrived way to get them together so they could argue about Davis.

10) Chloe: "Since when did newsworthy have anything to do with what was on the front page?" Was that a dig against Clark, or the DP, or journalism in general? In any case, bitter much? What's that about?

11) Chloe: "No, please, I love trudging through stagnant water." Huh? What does that mean? And what's with the attitude?

12) Chloe: "He's kind, supportive, and a strong shoulder for me to lean on. Which I don't know if you've actually realized, but I could really use right now." He's also creepy, intense, and kind of a stalker. And since when has Clark not been there for Chloe when she really needs him? Weren't they having a nice little heart-to-heart over coffee just last episode? Has Chloe even tried opening up to Clark? When he asked her about Jimmy in Turbulence, she lied and said everything was great. Is he supposed to read her mind?

13) Clark: "He's full of secrets, Chloe. There's not even a record of his childhood." Chloe: "Sounds familiar." Is she saying that he sounds like Clark, and that's a reason to back off? Because Clark is an alien. From another planet.

14) So first we found out Lex kept a journal, and now they tell us Lionel did, too? And Tess has them both? How convenient.

15) If Lionel had a whole team of commandos combing the countryside after the meteor shower, why did he have to hitch a ride with the Kents to get Lex to the hospital? And why didn't they take the ship when they took Davis?

16) In the Pilot Clark tells Lex he remembers when the mansion was first moved to Smallville, that the trucks rolled through town for weeks. Lex in turn tells Clark that Lionel has never stepped through the front door. And yet here the mansion is, fully furnished and occupied, just a few days after the meteor shower.

17) Davis can speak and read English already?

18) Yeah, the woobie little boy who kills birds doesn't get my sympathy either.

19) Miller's Field sure doesn't look anything like the way I remember it from Obscura.

20) Were Davis's memories of his days at the mansion repressed before?

21) Oh, come on!! Why in the hell would there be a meteor rock in the lead box?! And doesn't Lex receive that box on a birthday that's still several years in the future?

22) Judas? Christ? Really, show? You're going there? Have you read the story of Judas? Because that analogy doesn't work for me at all.

23) Clark: "And all the times that you were angry at me for doubting him!" Have they been arguing endlessly about Davis in Offscreenville?

24) When Clark and Chloe figured out that Jimmy was right all along about Davis, I hope they at least called him to let him know. And I hope Chloe apologized for not believing him in the first place.

25) Chloe knew it was Tess who had checked out Davis's records and she didn't think that was worth mentioning until now? And if she didn't know who it was, how did she make the connection to Tess all of a sudden?

26) Chloe: "I think it's time to pay a visit to the widow of LuthorCorp." Widow? What's that supposed to mean?

27) So once Lionel found out about Clark, he figured Davis was just a random naked human boy who lost his clothes in the meteor shower and ended up huddled next to Clark's ship? Um, okay. So why would he just dump him on the side of the road, when Davis could lead the authorities right back to him? Why not pay someone off, and bury him in the foster care system?

28) Davis is Sageeth? Oh, hell no. Lex is Sageeth. According to the legend, Sageeth is like a brother to Naman, but later turns against him, and together they form the balance between good and evil in the world. That's not Davis. And do you even remember the Starblade, show? I'm not buying it.

29) Tess: "Why else would Lionel Luthor arrange an adoption for a boy who seemed to come out of nowhere?" Last time I checked, so he could blackmail Jonathan into helping him get the creamed corn factory.

30) Tess: "Looks like you're the reason Davis was abandoned in the first place." Oh, bite me.

31) Davis: "That guy, that I killed, he was a drunk driver, he was a three-time offender." Okay, you get a pass on that one, then. It's not murder if he deserved it. [/sarcasm]

32) Chloe: "You lied to me!" Because that's way worse than the killing part.

33) Why doesn't the proximity of the gigantic tank of kryptonite have any effect on Davis? Or Clark, for that matter?

34) So Davis was dooming out even as a child? Yikes. Was that a repressed memory?

35) You know the part where Chloe sank to her knees next to the containment unit, weeping, and reached out in anguish to meet Davis's hand, palm to palm, for one last, tender touch through the glass before he slipped away? I felt NOTHING. Yeah, evidently I'm dead inside. :)

36) Chloe: "I won't risk the safety of the world because of your code of ethics." So it's not about Clark, it's about the world? I don't have a problem with that, but I think it's new.

37) Why did Clark throw those cave pictures into the fire? Didn't they belong to Chloe?

38) Clark: "When I was a kid I used to have this nightmare. My ship landed in a field and no one ever found me." Except that Clark didn't know about the ship until he was in high school.

39) Chloe: "That nightmare was Davis's life." Oh, boo hoo. He's a freaking monster, Chloe! Do you even remember your wedding day?

40) Clark: "I can't imagine what it must have felt like knowing that, no matter how you lived your life, you were doomed." I don't think Davis knew that. Based on what we saw earlier this season, Davis didn't know who or what he was until Faora showed up. Although I suppose Clark doesn't know that.

41) Tess: "Yeah, but betrayal. You know, the more you love someone, the harder it is." Is she talking about how much Lex loved Clark?

42) Clark: "Are you threatening me?" With what? Where did that come from? I'm so confused!

43) Is the Talon still open for business? Or is it just where Chloe lives, throws the occasional party, and stashes monsters in the basement?

44) Oh, yay. Another woman martyrs herself to protect Clark. Promise redux (Brian and Kelly wrote that one, too). Doesn't Chloe remember how that worked out for everyone? On the day of the wedding Chloe said to Clark, "She's marrying a monster and trapping herself into a loveless life." Deja vu.

45) Exactly what is the deal between Davis and Chloe? Why does she keep the beast at bay? I just don't get it. *sighs* And please tell me "stay with me" is NOT a euphemism for sex.

46) Is anyone else getting the feeling that Chloe is the new Lana? :(

Well, I feel better, how about you? :) Thanks for letting me vent! Now I'm off to write a happy Eternal review, celebrating everything I found to love in this episode. If you want to read it, you can find it HERE.
Tags: rant, smallville, sv episode review
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